The clatter of change opens the meeting. The Head of department stares. Copper coins and lint.
NQT arrives, a nervous smile on her lips and tips out the yogurt pot she clutches tightly. The skitter of silver coins shimmers for a moment and the Head smiles before starting and glancing nervously toward the doorway.
The corridor is dark, just the gentle tap tap of water from the pipe above pooling on cracked linoleum.
The Head opens her mouth, her eyes quickly refocusing on the riches piled in a neat palmful on the desk.
From outside comes a sudden clatter and she throws a tattered coat across the coins. Second moves quickly, a bundle of rags in his arms. He pauses, meeting two faces, expecting three.
“Where's Sheila?” he asks. The Head and NQT glance down, bowing their heads.
“Efficiency and Improvement meeting, yesterday.” Head mumbles, “We've been Improved… Efficiently.”
There is a moment of respectful silence, their thoughts on the the now empty classroom.
Eventually Second speaks, hesitant at first but soon with a trembling excitement.
“I was on bus duty,” he whispers and a frisson of anticipation shudders through the group. “The top road!” His unshaven face breaks into a grin.
NQT mutters a reverent, “All those pot holes…” and Second grins.
“Shook loose everything they had!” casting aside the coat, he unwraps his bundle, spilling a scattering of coins over the meagre pile in the centre. “All that loose change in their pockets and the kids just leave it down the back of the seats!”
All three stare in silence. There are smiles.
“And not just that…” Second lifts a shaking hand, a single blue stained strip of something between his fingers.
“Is that…?” Head’s eyes are wide.
Second nods.
“I never thought I'd see…” NQT stares with awestruck eyes.
“A new fiver! The rumours were true! They're real!” Second grins and dances, waving the note above his head.
“Which book do we buy?”
A cough from behind him silences the three. Head squints against light dazzling from polished buttons and shoes and teeth.
“I see your budget meeting is underway.” Executive Super Assistant To The Associate Under Deputy grins at the small haul. He holds out his hand.
Head hesitates.
Executive Super Assistant tuts. “Now now.” he says, “Your department had record results after all those we exclusions we arranged for you. It's performance related pay time.”
The three deflate.
“And as you…” he pauses, quickly calculating, “...three did so well … The Management here at Generic Grabbabuck Academy deserve that pay rise…”
Head of department nods and Second hands over the note.
Executive Super Assistant waits. Palm still open.
“But…” Head tries to argue; a slow shake of the professionally quoiffed head stops her.
Executive Super Assistant scoops up the remainder of the coins. He turns and tosses a single coin onto the desk.
“Your budget,” he says and grins.
“But we can't…” NQT begins, quickly silenced by Head and Second leaping forward, shushing her urgently.
Executive Super Assistant glowers. “Be grateful. Maths make do with so much less…” and he steps aside to gesture across the corridor to where a single flickering fluorescent tube illuminates a gaunt, rag robed man. The figure meets their gaze with a single toothed grin and stabs a bloody nailed finger down on a cardboard box with “calkalata” scrawled on the side.
The three shudder.
“We'll manage.” Head says. “Who needs books?”
_________________________________________________________________________
From above comes the scrape of blunt tools on slate.
Second shivers in the cold.
“Won't languages be pissed? It's their roof.”
“Languages?” Head laughs sadly. “They were Improved years ago. No one has seen them since the Olympics…”
Second sighs.
From high off to their right, a sudden bright light appears, a high window blazes in the darkness. The distant tinkle of laughter drifts through the cold night. A volley of pops and renewed laughter and from the roof above them comes the voice of NQT.
“What was that? Was it an improvement plan? I'm going as fast as I can! I’m Capable!”
Head shakes her head watching through the high window as besuited men and women laugh and raise crystal flutes and toast a sparkling celebration.
“No,” she calls up. “CEO Management meeting. Don't worry.”
There is a clattering and from above comes a call. “Ready? It's coming down!”
_________________________________________________________________________
The three stare at the desk. Slate roof tiles lie scattered across all surfaces.
The Head smiles, nods.
“Well done team.” She says. “This is Efficiency!” Second and NQT look nervous, uncertain. “Who needs paper?” Head says. “This here… this is the future of education!” and she scrapes a rock lovingly over the slate...
Nik Jones is a teacher in County Durham.
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